Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
