yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
