I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
