We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
