I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
