I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
