this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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