My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I fill condoms, not promises.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
