i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
