Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My life is pants optional.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
