1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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