so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
