it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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