she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Terrible idea I love it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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