I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
pray to the hookup gods
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
