I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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