Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
