I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We got so high we made milksteak
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
