How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
