If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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