im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
