I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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