my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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