that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
