Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
