6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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