my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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