hotel room ftw
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
