I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the condom got lost in my hair
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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