I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
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