Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
True college students do jello shots in the library
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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