I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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