I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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