Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
