I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
