How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
