i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You took a bar mat shot.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
