My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
