Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
