Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
