My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
