She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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