My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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