Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
