I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
