and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
