my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
