just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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