I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
