he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
