Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
