Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
