i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
