Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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