Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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