never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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