I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
