Sry I called you an 8
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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