sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
