i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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