Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
