Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
barbara walters just said penis...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize