My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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