you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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