I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
