I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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