So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
