i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
